Are you THRIVING or SURVIVING?

WELCOME TO: Heather's Heathy Habits

The Importance of Self-Care

One of the core lessons in the practice of Health Coaching is caring for the “self”. And although some of life factors may be outside of one's control: diet, exercise, sleep, and/or lifestyle are all malleable. Yet over the last two months,  I allowed myself  to lose focus on the foundations of my health and focus on the “doing” part of life. The result: fatigue, overwhelm, anxiety, irritable, poor sleep and loss of overall vitality. Definitely not the best version of myself!

Something I commonly say to my clients is that I am an imperfect person here on one side of the desk, and you're an imperfect person on the other side of the desk; together we walk toward health. I don't always stand as an example of the best choices, but I certainly stand as an example of hope and possibility.

What I try to do on a weekly basis is:

I am always trying to break through the old patterns and discover the roadblocks to optimal health.  This includes getting in touch with myself – what choices am I making? Am I making choices that are in line with my values? If not, why not? Occasionally, I falter as I did over the last two months.  Essentially what I am pondering is how to take things off my busy plate so I can have a …pause.  And in that pause, time to recharge my battery-even if just for a few minutes. This pause allows me to approach people and things differently in life versus when I am running on empty.  I become more aware, present, attentive , and energetic!

SIX STEPS TO TRANSITION FROM SURVIVING TO THRIVING

1. Self-Care 

Give yourself permission to engage in self-care.  No matter the season of your life, prioritizing self-care will help you take care of others and stay happy and healthy yourself.  Self-care is like a bank account.  If you withdraw more than you deposit, you'll overdraw your account and the bank will charge you a hefty fee.  Well the same is true for people.  If you're constantly withdrawing your time and energy, but not replenishing it, it will eventually catch up with you and there will be a big price to pay (in my case a torn calf muscle).  When we don't take care of ourselves, we get sick (I see this a lot with my autoimmunity clients) , tired, less productive, irritable, resentful and so on. Does this sound familiar?

You might try writing yourself an actual permission slip like your parents did when you were in school.  An example may be:

• Heather has permission to sit outside for one hour a day and read her book.

• Heather has permission to ask a family member to make dinner while she rests her leg and heals.

This might sound like a funny thing to do, but for a lot of my clients (and myself) a permission slip legitimizes self-care.

2. Schedule in you time

Self-care needs to be on your calendar.  If it's not scheduled, it's probably not going to happen. It may help to set an alarm to remind you that this is serious business that is not only necessary but oh so beneficial.

3.  Set boundaries 

If you are already running on empty, don't take on any new commitments. Give yourself permission to say no.  We all have a limited amount of time and energy to give. By not setting health boundaries, we avoid speaking our truth. This hurts our relationships because when you can't be honest, relationships become less intimate.When you give too much, you start to feel like your needs don't matter. Maybe others don't reciprocate and you're getting frustrated. By not speaking your truth, resentment begins, and then you feel even more alone. If saying no sounds difficult, experiment with one of these phrases: 

• I can't right now,  but what I can do is __________.

• I can't right now but I may be able to in a few days, week, month.

4.  Delegate

In addition to not taking on anything new, you may need to delegate some of your current responsibilities or ask for help in order to make time for self-care. For example, you may need to ask your spouse or teenager to take over cooking dinner a few nights a week so you can get to the gym, rest or just have a few moments to connect with a friend.

5.  Recognize that you can't help everyone

Sometimes we are burnt out because were trying to solve other people's problems or help/fix issues that aren't our responsibility. I'm a natural at this!  When you see someone struggling, your first impulse may be to rush in with solutions. However, we need to make sure our help is wanted and truly helpful (not enabling, which is largely to calm our own anxiety).

6.  Some self-care is better than none

We don't have to practice self-care perfectly (that's why we call it a practice). It's easy to fall into an all-or-nothing thinking trap that says if you can't do it all or do it perfectly, why bother? But logically, we all know that five minutes of meditation is better than none. So, don't be quick to dismiss the positive effects of tiny acts of self-care (one healthy snack, a few push-ups, an Epsom salt bath, walk around the block, a quick call to a friend, etc.). Finding the right balance between self-care and taking care of others is an ongoing process and often it helps to remember that a little bit of self-care is better than none.

Taking care of others is important. And I'm not suggesting that you should stop caring. I just want to encourage you to give yourself the same love and care that you give to others. Make self-care a priority so you can live a long, happy, healthy life. You matter. Really.

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